Having children with ADHD is difficult - there are a variety of problems that come along with the disorder that most people don't immediately recognize as part of it. ADHD (Attention Deficit -Hyperactive Disorder) is kind of misnamed. It's not so much an inability to concentrate as it is an inability to regulate one's concentration. I can concentrate just fine on a project when I get in the groove. But I can't lay that project down and work on something else - redirect my attention - without experiencing literal distress. While I may force my body to move on to another task, my brain is still back on it pulling me away, giving me anxiety because I'm not working on The Thing, constantly bringing me back to what I'm hyper-focusing on. If my brain wanders for just a moment, and then I come back and think "Hey, what was I doing?" the immediate answer is "Oh yes, The Thing!" and I walk right away from a stove with hot pans and boiling food, and go sit back down to work on The Thing. Taking myself away from something that I'm hyper-focused on is so much mental effort and strain, it's exhausting. I'm left feeling like a failure as well, because I can't seem to do anything right, all because I can't properly regulate what I'm focusing on. There are definitely days when I have the classic symptom of flitting around from one thing to the next (which is also frustrating and leaves me feeling like a failure), but the hyper-focus is a symptom that's not often discussed.
This is one reason that I am drawn to the Waldorf Method of education. The primary focus in Waldorf education is creating a predictable Rhythm for the day to run on - the Order to what would otherwise be Chaos. But a Home Rhythm is different from a schedule. While a schedule has specific times laid out to start and stop a task, a rhythm focuses on the order in which the tasks are completed, with less of a reliance on the timing, and a bigger focus on the transitions from one task to the next. This is a benefit for families with ADHD - because it gives the space for extra time to be spent on an activity whether it is because of being deeply engaged in a process or needing extra time to complete a task because of wandering attention.
Waldorf education also emphasizes on developing Inner Will - the mental strength and fortitude to complete a task that may not feel rewarding. This, again, is crucial for children and adults with ADHD, because the reward system in our brains doesn't work like neurotypical people's reward systems do. We don't feel a sense of accomplishment if we complete a task that was difficult or unwanted. We feel like our time has been wasted, and that we could have been working on something actually productive (I'm looking at you, Giant Mountain of Laundry that seems to just magically sprout up in my room. I will never put you away...) That prioritization of what is and is not productive is based on whether we can trigger a "reward" hormone by doing it. Brains with ADHD don't effectively produce reward hormones like Dopamine and Norepinephrine, so things that give other people a sense of satisfaction fall flat for us. (Side note: if this is you I want you to know that it is okay that your brain works like this. You're not broken, or lazy, or a failure. This is how your brain works, and there is nothing wrong with it. You can learn ways to get through unpleasant tasks and develop healthy coping mechanisms for the lack of rewards in your brain. It is okay.)
By focusing on Rhythm and development of Will, Waldorf education is a prime method for helping families with ADHD function at a healthy level. I have a free printable pack to go along with this - a month's worth of Weekly Rhythm charts, themed for February, and a Daily Rhythm chart to be filled out for each new week. After using other people's Rhythm charts for years I finally created my own, and realized that if I want to effectively use it, I need to take time each week to reevaluate our Rhythm and make tiny changes along the way. If I don't make a new one every week then eventually I end up ignoring the chart on the wall and it becomes just a piece of the landscape. Trust me, fill it out for every week, you'll use it more effectively if you do.
The first step is to plan out your week. On our chart I have a daily theme/focus already picked out, but I also offer a version with that part blank so you can fill in your own activity of the day. I suggest using our full chart first, at least for a week or two, so you can get the hang of it, and then use the blank one if it's not suiting your needs. For us I focus on what lessons we will be covering, what our meals will be, who will be helping with meals, and who will be helping with the clean up. I also jot down any appointments we may have during the week, so we don't forget them. The days are color coded to go along with the Waldorf Color of the Day - Sunday-White, Monday-Purple, Tuesday-Red, Wednesday-Yellow, Thursday-Orange, Friday-Green, and Saturday-Blue. This helps to give our kids an association to go along with the names of each day of the week.
Once I have our Weekly Rhythm planned out, I move on to our daily rhythm. I have this split into three sections - Morning, Afternoon, and Evening. The Morning section covers from 7:00 to 11:00 AM. From 9:00 to 11:00 it's marked in 15 minute increments, so we can plan out our study time. I find that if we keep our lessons on individual topics to about 15 minutes in length then I'm less likely to deal with a meltdown from frustration. This is not so much a schedule as it is a guideline - a reminder to keep my lessons on the short side, and to know what we're doing next should we finish something sooner than I had planned. Our afternoon section covers from 12:00 to 4:00 pm, and I have a spot to write down our activity for each day. Evening covers from 5:00 to 10:30 PM, and I start splitting the evening into half hour increments after 8:00. My kids are usually asleep between 8 and 8:15, which gives me the ability to focus my evenings for my own school studies and blog work.
When I have these filled out I tape them up on our wall next to our calendar (yes, I have a giant calendar as well!) so I can see them on a regular basis and refer to them when I lose track of what we're supposed to be doing. I also move them each week slightly from where they were taped the week before I don't get too used to glossing over them as I pass by. This is a coping mechanism for my own ADHD, since things can just become part of the landscape if I see them there for too long. I may once have left an open bottle of soymilk on my counter for 3 months because I stopped recognizing that it wasn't supposed to be there!
Currently I am focusing on getting a daily map/quiet time worked back in to our day. Young Charles started skipping naps this past summer, and I went with it because he seemed to be sleeping better at night, but now we've reached a point where he is just an unreasonable mess during the afternoon, so back to quiet time it is. I've started making the older boys lay down to rest as well, though I don't expect them to sleep, because honestly I could use the break!
Our current bedtime routine looks something like this: Between 6:30 and 7:00 PM start I getting the boys ready for bed. If we're going to do baths I start around 6:15. They tidy up their toys and go to the bathroom to brush their teeth. Once teeth are done I give them their "bedtime juice" which is tryptophan dissolved in boiling water and then flavored with a stevia sweetened juice powder, and any other vitamins that I may have for them. Kids are in their beds by 7:15, and I start playing an audio story for them. After about 30-40 minutes of the story I pause the book and start playing their bedtime songs on the LDS Music app. I repeat the songs until they have all gone to sleep, typically by 8:15-8:30 PM. I then have the rest of the evening to spend on my own schoolwork and spending time with my husband.
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